I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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