put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
