In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
