Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize