just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
