I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
