ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
