The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
