I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
