Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
