You're completely useless in the revolution.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
