you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
