booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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