I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
