Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Please, let me fuck your mom
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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