She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We had to coat check the pizza.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
