just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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