Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
