I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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