She's JV to your varsity
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
