I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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