if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
