You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
