he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
