I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
