Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
