you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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