I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
