Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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