Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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