The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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