You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
