If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
