you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
