I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
even my farts smell like vagina
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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