I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
