im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
