Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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