Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
