Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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