3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
