ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
