Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
