I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
