I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize