When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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