girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
