I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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