meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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