There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
