i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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