she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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