I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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