So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
