if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
