when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
