I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
