I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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