WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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