i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
