okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
