I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Alive.
So much puke
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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