New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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