This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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