PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
