At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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