ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
