he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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