i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
