He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize