Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
