I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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