It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
