I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there's paper in my vomit.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize