I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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