So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
