just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
