Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
