my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We need to get me chipped asap
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
