New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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