oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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