somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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