I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
