are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
