What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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