come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
