So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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