i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
