Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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