i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
