I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
