so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So squirting runs in the family.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
