sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
