Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
