I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
