On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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