Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
