First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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