Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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