I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
