And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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