Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize