We're facebook friends in real life
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
