God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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