how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
