this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I AM VODKA MAN
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
